You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
