so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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