Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
