U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
