If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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