I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
