Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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