One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
