I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
