Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
