You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
