im six kinds of drunk right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize