I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
