its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
a search helicopter?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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