Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
