Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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