I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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