saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I did not marry a roomba.
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