I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
