I wish I only lived at night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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