I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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