i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
