I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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