Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
