the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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