What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
