What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
