I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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