I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
