There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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