Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
