help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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