Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize