just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
