Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
