I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
