I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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