Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
