Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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