I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need moral support for this bender
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
