make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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