so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize