He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
