3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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