every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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