Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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