i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
