So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
