I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
