So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
