That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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