don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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