He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize