i would punch a child for taco bell
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
