I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize