the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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