I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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