Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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