During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
