it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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