she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
