P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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