It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
