Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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