turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
