need another drink. this is the easiest way
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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