We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
