I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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