this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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