I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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